Bleed into my existence.

Intoxicate my presence.

Heal me all over.

To run away again

It's a silent night. He 's far away. I've forgotten what it was like before him. He's still unaware of everything.

So where do I go with all these whirlpool of thoughts? My humongous ego won't let me open up in front of him. Obviously

"Imissyoutoday", she mumbled to herself.
Sighing once again she turned her concentration back to the assignment.
She thought of texting him but her egocentric nature kept erasing the typed message again and again.

"How could I fall in love?"

Rambling

Community medicine sucks. Ophthalmology is a monster.

Mai ginoo din bin teray..

Soch raha hun,

Kayee hain afsanay,

Teray meray wo din,

Wo beeti hui shaamain.

Wohi morr hain,

Jin pe,

Teri meri yaadain,

Kabhi bhool sakun na,

Wo dheemi si awaazain.

Happy 22nd Liz!

Thanks for always sticking around. 

You know I'm not so good at expressing lol.

I really can't write or tell what I want to.

Anything I write to try and explain how much you mean to me would simply do injustice to our friendship

Just wanted to tell you that you're an amazing person and your friendship means a lot to me. 

And that I love going crazy with you :D

I love how we rant about life and stupid things non-stop. Never caring about being judged.

You're awesome, don't ever change :)

Be mine

Stay mine.

So I was wondering just an hour ago that when was the last time when I really felt at peace with myself and all my surroundings. I couldn't remember when it was.
I don't know what happened. I panicked, broke down, spilled a few tears. I couldn't study. Didn't want to study. Couldn't, couldn't, couldn't just couldn't.
Maybe living alone was having it's toil.

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree.

And then after a while I stopped crying. Just sat there. Staring at the wall in front of me. Staring at the notes that I had pasted there. Then it started becoming a bit clearer. As if the fog had lifted. As if the uncertainty had all gone away. As if things weren't hazy anymore. I'm not religious. Nah nah. Not at all. But somehow it felt that God had heard me and was chuckling at my state and then He decided to help me out.
It started raining. It still is raining. That brought a smile on my face. You see rain alone can do wonders for me.
The sweet pittar  patter of rain on the window sill, the soft rustling of the leaves, the smell of geeli matti, the sound of clouds rumbling, the lightening-oh it all leaves me awestruck, it sure does. And what made the moment just too beautiful to be true was the Isha Azaan
The sound of Azaan. Oh how could I say it doesn't effect me the way it used to. It leaves me spell bound. It still does. Makes me forget my very own existence. Reverberates through my soul and leaves me dazed and in a trance like state. It's the most calming sound in the whole wide world. Hands down.
You see it's all perfect for me now.

Calm. Perfect. Serene

Lemon Tree

The lucid intervals are lessening day by day..

Was I talking to myself out loud again?

There's this itch that just won't go away, keeps me restless and on the go all the time.

Hum bewafa hargiz na thay, par hum wafa kar na sakay.

The need to see things clearly for just one more time keeps me hooked to tea and coffee 24/7. they're supposed to help, no?

The floor needs to be cleaned again. 

Yeah. Anyways

Alcoholics are defined by WHO as...

Random text from 7171. Get funny caller ring tones. Bleh.

Interference with bodily..mental..social..malfunctioning

Too much caffeine has started the palpitations again.

Treatment of addiction: Hospital treatment, psychiatric treatment.

"Lizaaa I'm going crazyyy", I text Liz.
I keep staring at the phone. As if expecting her to come out of it. Lol.
"So am I", she texts back within a minute.
Dimagh mai keeray hain hamaray according to her. Lol
The monsoon dragonflies are flying around. Crazy, stupid, little creatures. (Waisay keeray? I wonder)

Vocational training unit. Medical psychotherapy unit.

I hear the Azaan, it doesn't calm me like it used to.

Causes of Alcoholism....

Where did my faith and imaan go

Domestic disharmony...failure...disappointment..

I have to pray.

Objectives of TFI-Pak..

I was never like this.

Charhi mujhay yaari teri aesi

Shit! Where did I go wrong?

Maybe I should delete this blog too.
Destroying things is what I'm good at.
But I promised A.M that I won't delete any more blogs.

So here's to you A.M, not deleting it!
Thanks for sticking around for so long, my friend. <3

Rant

Life seems a little too weird at the moment. I should be studying day in and day out but I'm not. In fact I'm hardly studying 2-3 hours a day. This isn't good. This is messed up. Send ups are coming up and I need to stop doing all the fazool stuff I do and study like mad. Oh boy what am I gonna do.

I'm a slow motion accident

Lost in coffee rings and finger prints.

(Hear me out-Frou Frou)

Community Medicine

Warning signs of poor mental health -_-

If answer to any of the questions is YES, help is necessary. (Uh oh)


1. Are you always worrying? (Yeah)
2. Are you unable to concentrate because of unrecognized reasons? (:s yeah)
3. Are you continually unhappy without justified cause? (NO :D)
4. Do you lose your temper easily and often? (once a week should be fine i think)
5. Are you troubled my regular insomnia? (Yuppp)
6. Do you dislike to be around people? (uhhhh)
7. Are you afraid without real cause?
8. Are you always right and the other person always wrong? (Duhh obviously)
9. Are you upset if the routine of your life is disturbed? (I thought that was normal!)
10. Do your children consistently get on your nerves. (I'm sure they will :/)

damn. seems like i'm in deep shit

I said it will get better.

I said time heals everything.

I said I'll forget and move on.

I said I'll laugh at it later.

"Well. 

It's been 2 years, 4 months, 28 days, 9 hours and 12 minutes",

she said, with tears in her eyes.

Denial is wonderful but reality does hit from time to time.

Mirage

The melody to all my unwritten songs.
The reason of all my intentional wrongs.
The theme behind all my tales.
The sun after all the miserable rains

Vanilla skies

It's a story of vanilla skies and deep blue seas,

Of forgotten love of friendship betrayed.

Where years of toil turned to ash

Where heaven met hell and burnt us all.

The forever lasting trust broken in a second.

Ties deeper than blood cut in a blink.

So do you remember that story?

The story of vanilla skies and deep blue seas.

Of forgotten love, of friendship betrayed.

How figments of imagination came crasging down.

With pieces of heart and fragments of soul.

How elixir of love turned to poison.

Of how I took the fall.

So don't you remember that story?

In which I painted my vanilla skies crimson over you.

(Something I wrote a long way back)

Medical life blues

Screw you Community Medicine. My room has never been this messy in my entire life.

The altar ego sculpted into perfection.

Unraveled now by the likes of someone else.

Fantasies

Lost in the fabricated promises.
Believing in our tomorrows together.

But you see far above our sorrow tinged skies,
You and me are still one.

Cracked heart and open veins.
Empty bed and the bittersweet pains.
The open door with no tomorrows.
The sparking chemistry with the glittering tears.
A broken cocoon in need of mending.
The wounds of love in need of flesh.
A desert's solitude and an ocean's loss.
A lost future and an unrequited love

Forgotten worlds

I'm the accursed princess still caught in the intricacies of your touch. Chastised till now over the quantified love and fallacies of us. I'm your manuscript of forgotten worlds.

And my heart's a clockwork's machinery and you don't care anymore

Wild at heart

I want to stay young and wild forever. I know you said that I’ll have to change. And I know I said that yeah I definitely will but I want you to know that I really do want to stay this way. That I never want to change. Never ever.

Euphoria

There's a real world.

And then there"s my world!

You're everything I ever wanted to be.

"A prayer of the wild at heart, kept in cages."

Tennessee Williams.

Unrequited love

An ocean's worth of loneliness.

A desert's worth of solitude.

And a ray of light.

That is you.

A drifter you will always be

You left a scar on my body.
Where you fingers made a trail.
There the skin doesn't stop burning.
And the neurons don't stop firing.

Kaisay keh k chal deay tum k yeh kuch bhi nahii.

Ishq Sufiyana

"Apki aankhain kamaal hain, kissi shararti jheel jaisi.."

Palpitations

Today is just another day.

You happened.

You still are.

It hurts.

Maybe our mocking bird will sing after all..

Tu shama hai, mujhay parwana kar.

Tu dhoop hai, mujhay chaoon kar.

Tu hai nadee, mujhay khud se mila.

Tu hai atar, mujhay khud mai basa.

Tu jo kuch bhi hai, meray hum-nawa
Har rang mai, har sang mai.
Mujhay sath rakh, apnay paas rakh.

K teray bina zindagi, zindagi tou nahi

Flakes of thoughts.

Everything stopped making sense

Epiphany

It's all a mirage.

It's all a mirage

Cold feet

I wish I could run away.
Or somehow the escapes would still exist.

Maybe it's just the Mortein's coil's smell that's getting to my head.
Maybe.

Anyways it's imminent, inevitable and inescapable..
 And that is a fact.

Your beloved absence

The acridity won't stop burning,

Maybe my love isn't enough.

The chasm is wide.

Maybe I won't make through..

Flip sides

Love is damned.
Love is blessed.

Maybe it's too intense for me.

Maybe I was never made for it.

Your love scares me.

With you everything changed..

I was, You are

This reality is too bright.
Let me linger in your wake

Oblivion

I'll be wrong to fight for

And your love won't change a thing

"If you spent your whole life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you truly are? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask with nothing beneath it?"

Nineteen minutes

Calling

I is not I for my heart is yours.
I wait for the chord to make you mine.
Stark naked I stand in the Land of Loss,
Scorched by the radiance of what could have been.
Yet still I wait for thee,
Knowing oh so well where we live.
It's a Land of Loss,
Yes a Land of Loss

Into the wild

Come along lets stir some waves

The shore is silent tonight.